Rantings of a midnight freak.

Late nights/early mornings, nights when you're supposed to be studying for your exams(supposed to, mind it) seem to be the most inspiring time to pen down just exactly things which have no particular relevance to anything at all and yet seem to be able to question the basic fundamentals of every inch of your existence. Sigh, these random spurts of wanting to write down every bloody thought that crosses your mind. You sit and watch a blur of happenings around you, and you suddenly realize that maybe, just maybe, life is not always the same when you view it from someone else's perspective. It hits you like a tornado, the realization. What all can we disregard in the name of reason? Does pain, suffering, inconvenience, things we cannot explain, or do not want to explain, things that cannot be quantified but be defied by logic always have to be given lower importance because we have convinced ourselves that reason governs our existence? Maybe sometimes, with all the reasons in place, something, some aspect of our being, is still greater than the obvious. Maybe everything we try to reason becomes inconsequential after we realize that somethings do not need reason but just acknowledgement. Maybe it is just the late night and the quite or maybe the uncomfortable feeling of questioning my existing beliefs, even though nothing has changed and the world goes on, some thoughts stick to you like a parasite. It'll drain my blood and eat my mind up, so ranting becomes essential. Its a comforting feeling, the illusion that maybe the thought will go away if its put on paper. No reason, juts the acknowledgement that absolutely random things make grave differences in your life. An uncomfortable acknowledgement. Believing everything has a meaning attached to it, nothing happens without reason and making yourself trust your logic, somewhere we forget that one day, life is going to drop a bomb on us, something unexpected and unreasonable and then we'll not be able to understand why or how such a thing happened. Humans(especially atheists) want to believe that everything can be explained. I am one of them(not an atheist, just a believer in reason) but all of a sudden, on this uneventful April night, I am rethinking my understanding. Maybe its just a moment, maybe it'll pass but for now, it is certainly leaving a strong, unanswered question with me.

Nirvana.

A feeling of detachment, the one which does not leave you hollow but with a queer sense of satisfaction. A feeling of being alone yet not that of lonliness. Obligations to none, submissions to no one and compromises for nobody. A sense of moving ahead, away from the faces that start looking all the same from a distance where the depth of each disappearing figure becomes unfathomable. Acknowledgement of the fact that others exist but the comfortable acceptance that their existence is inconsequential, for each person passing by is just a mere facade of the time and the place of his being. Letting people enjoy the liberty of making you a part of their lives yet not letting yourself be tied down to any such attachments. No achievement of greatness, no show of triumph. A peace underlying in your soul, your aim and purpose clear in your mind. Looking forward not to people or places but to events and happenings, thoughts and ideas. Freedom from cluthches of the past and worries of the future because the results of your actions become irrelevant. Present, just the present, the understanding of being alive just and exclusively for the moment at hand and doing complete justice to that very moment in present. Fear of no one and nothing, the sense of personal morality unaffected by the sense of collective morality. Judgements made with nothing in mind but the sense of an individualistic existence, with complete and pure honesty towards oneself. A life of solidarity yet of importance. A life nothing less than nirvana.