Rantings of a midnight freak.

Late nights/early mornings, nights when you're supposed to be studying for your exams(supposed to, mind it) seem to be the most inspiring time to pen down just exactly things which have no particular relevance to anything at all and yet seem to be able to question the basic fundamentals of every inch of your existence. Sigh, these random spurts of wanting to write down every bloody thought that crosses your mind. You sit and watch a blur of happenings around you, and you suddenly realize that maybe, just maybe, life is not always the same when you view it from someone else's perspective. It hits you like a tornado, the realization. What all can we disregard in the name of reason? Does pain, suffering, inconvenience, things we cannot explain, or do not want to explain, things that cannot be quantified but be defied by logic always have to be given lower importance because we have convinced ourselves that reason governs our existence? Maybe sometimes, with all the reasons in place, something, some aspect of our being, is still greater than the obvious. Maybe everything we try to reason becomes inconsequential after we realize that somethings do not need reason but just acknowledgement. Maybe it is just the late night and the quite or maybe the uncomfortable feeling of questioning my existing beliefs, even though nothing has changed and the world goes on, some thoughts stick to you like a parasite. It'll drain my blood and eat my mind up, so ranting becomes essential. Its a comforting feeling, the illusion that maybe the thought will go away if its put on paper. No reason, juts the acknowledgement that absolutely random things make grave differences in your life. An uncomfortable acknowledgement. Believing everything has a meaning attached to it, nothing happens without reason and making yourself trust your logic, somewhere we forget that one day, life is going to drop a bomb on us, something unexpected and unreasonable and then we'll not be able to understand why or how such a thing happened. Humans(especially atheists) want to believe that everything can be explained. I am one of them(not an atheist, just a believer in reason) but all of a sudden, on this uneventful April night, I am rethinking my understanding. Maybe its just a moment, maybe it'll pass but for now, it is certainly leaving a strong, unanswered question with me.

Nirvana.

A feeling of detachment, the one which does not leave you hollow but with a queer sense of satisfaction. A feeling of being alone yet not that of lonliness. Obligations to none, submissions to no one and compromises for nobody. A sense of moving ahead, away from the faces that start looking all the same from a distance where the depth of each disappearing figure becomes unfathomable. Acknowledgement of the fact that others exist but the comfortable acceptance that their existence is inconsequential, for each person passing by is just a mere facade of the time and the place of his being. Letting people enjoy the liberty of making you a part of their lives yet not letting yourself be tied down to any such attachments. No achievement of greatness, no show of triumph. A peace underlying in your soul, your aim and purpose clear in your mind. Looking forward not to people or places but to events and happenings, thoughts and ideas. Freedom from cluthches of the past and worries of the future because the results of your actions become irrelevant. Present, just the present, the understanding of being alive just and exclusively for the moment at hand and doing complete justice to that very moment in present. Fear of no one and nothing, the sense of personal morality unaffected by the sense of collective morality. Judgements made with nothing in mind but the sense of an individualistic existence, with complete and pure honesty towards oneself. A life of solidarity yet of importance. A life nothing less than nirvana.

To Anonymous, With Love

Valentine's day and a rush of mush. Hearts everywhere, couples being lovey-dovey, singles being hopeful and 'its complicated' ones confused whether to celebrate or to mourn. Its amusing to watch all this from a distance when you have no sentiments attached to the day of 'celebrating love'. But the question that arises is, are we celebrating love or the constant circus of relationships? Sticking to pessimism, I am a little apprehensive about the existence of love. Of course, this topic is debatable. Some say I have never met the right person while others think I am just being myself. Whatever be the cause, I think love is an abused word. What I think we have are comparative degrees of liking- how much we like someone, more than others. It is nothing but when you find someone you like better than the other options you may possibly have. Its the same with food. You like the aloo chilli your mess provides you the best out of the vegetarian menu but when you have the choice of veg and non-veg, you'd rather have chiken biryani. If you really 'loved' aloo chilli, you wouldn't have cared about the biryani but then, we are all humans and love is just a word. So, when we like someone, we like them better than others till someone even better comes along and dreams of 'forever and after' are crushed and buried. Is that the reason there is a constant change in the relationship status of our generation? Have we become obsessed with the appearance of our relationships to the outer world? Has the idea of settling with one person for the rest of your life become redundant? I noticed something really disturbing this Valentine's Day(this could probably be due to my screwed up notions about possibly everything in this world). People sent roses to each other anonymously, through messengers. What happened to the old school way of being a man(haha) and doing the job yourself? I agree its sweet but for once, I would like to see two people who like each other say so without being confused. Which leads me to my next question- are we ashamed of being in 'love'? Have we lost love to relationships? Are we living in a promiscuous world? What we need is a more open, more honest way of communication. For what I believe, if there was true love, it wouldn't have liked to be dismissed under the name of 'anonymous'. All I have to say is, either we are going back to the stone age where nobody belonged to anybody or moving into a future where there is no forever and after, just an ongoing process of change in relationships.